Body Image, Eating Disorders and Raising Kids in a Diet-Culture World with Adolescent Medicine Specialist Dr. Lauren Hartman
In this reassuring episode, Marijo talks with Dr. Lauren Hartman, a pediatrician and one of fewer than a thousand adolescent medicine specialists in the U.S. Dr. Hartman shares practical, compassionate ideas to help parents of young children support a healthy body image before struggles start, from how we talk about our own bodies and food to how we guide kids through social media. She also explains how to read a growth chart, why regular meals matter, and what early signs parents can trust their gut about.
What you'll learn in this episode
It is not a parent's fault. Dr. Hartman says it is not a mother's fault when a child develops an eating disorder, and calls that idea inaccurate and a harmful narrative. She adds that early intervention and prevention are key.
Eating disorders do not have one cause. Dr. Hartman says they tend to be multifactorial, a bit of a "perfect storm" of overlapping pieces, and that they do not look just one way. She calls dieting and restricting intake a really common instigator.
Start with how we talk about our own bodies. Dr. Hartman says kids are really listening. We do not have to love our bodies, but we can be kind and respectful to them, and notice qualities beyond appearance, like being strong.
Take the morality out of food and movement. She says talking about food as nourishment, pleasure and joy, rather than "good" or "bad," brings less stress. She also suggests talking about movement as feeling strong and a stress relief, not as payback for something we ate.
Bring kindness and joy to the table. Dr. Hartman shares the Rabbit Effect study from the 1970s, which she says suggests that kindness and lower stress can have a real effect on health. She says joy, celebration and kindness at mealtime are incredibly healthy.
Help kids think critically about social media. Dr. Hartman says the goal is not to villainize it but to teach kids to ask questions like "What are they trying to sell me?", "Is that image filtered?" and "Who is this audience intended for?"
A growth chart is not a report card. Dr. Hartman says growth is largely genetic, and what pediatricians look for is a child growing along their own healthy curve. She says trying to manipulate that curve can lead to health problems.
Regular meals matter, especially breakfast. Dr. Hartman says adolescence is the most metabolically demanding time of life. She usually recommends eating about every three hours, and suggests parents model sitting down to breakfast.
Trust your gut and act early. Dr. Hartman says behavior changes come before physical changes, such as skipping meals or cutting out whole food groups. You do not have to wait for a full-fledged problem to get support.
It is never too late to shift. Dr. Hartman says parents can still make changes, and can even apologize to their kids for how they spoke about bodies. She says admitting we are wrong is an incredible model.
About the guest: Dr. Lauren Hartman
Dr. Lauren Hartman is a double board-certified specialist in Adolescent Medicine and Pediatrics, focusing on patient-centered care. Her training includes medical school at the University of Virginia, a pediatric residency at Brown University, and an Adolescent Medicine Fellowship at the University of California, San Francisco. She has held leadership roles at Kaiser Permanente Northern California, the East Bay pediatric eating disorder program, and Equip, and co-developed programs for gender-expansive youth and pediatric autonomic disorders.
With over a decade of practice, she specializes in adolescent medicine, particularly eating disorders, across various settings. She is an active member of SAHM, AED, and AWSIM, serving on SAHM's Eating Disorder Committee and ACCMA's legislative and community health committees. She lives in the Bay Area with her family. Her book, "Freeing Children and Young Adults from Shame, Scales, and Stigma: A Practical Guide for Parents, Teachers and Clinicians," releases March 11, 2026, and will be available wherever books are sold.
Website: AspenGroveAYAM.com
Instagram: @laurenhartmanmd
LinkedIn: Lauren Hartman on LinkedIn
Book: Freeing Children and Young Adults from Shame, Scales, and Stigma
This episode is for general information only and is not medical advice. It discusses body image and eating disorders. Anyone who is worried about themselves or a child should reach out to a qualified health professional.
Enjoyed this episode? Subscribe to the podcast by emailing subscribe@teachingyourtoddler.com, and leave a 5-star review or a thumbs up so we can reach more parents like you.
Full episode transcript
Read the full transcript
Intro (recorded)
It's not your fault. Listen up, moms and dads. Your child's eating challenges are not your fault. According to today's guest, Dr. Lauren Hartman, Dr. Hartman is a double board-certified specialist in adolescent medicine and pediatrics, one of the few in the United States. She's written an upcoming book as of this recording called Freeing Children and Young Adults from Shame, Scales, and Stigma: A Practical Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Clinicians. In today's episode, she gives you some assurances and fantastic tips that can help get in front of any of the kinds of body images, issues, or potential eating challenges or even eating disorders to help your child's development.
She has a lot of great ideas and tips, so please listen carefully to the end for all of her great ideas. And remember, please leave a thumbs up or a five-star review if you've enjoyed the show, so more parents can learn about these challenges and all of the other great topics that we've covered on this show. Enjoy the show.
Marijo: Hello, this is Marijo Tinlin from the Teaching Your Toddler Show. Today we have a great guest, Dr. Lauren Hartman to speak to us about a really important topic that I know you're going to have find a lot of value in. Dr. Lauren, welcome to the show. Please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself.
Dr. Hartman: Hi, thank you so much for having me. My name is Lauren Hartman. I am a pediatrician and an adolescent medicine specialist. I'll explain a little bit of about an adolescent medicine specialist because there are like less than a thousand of us in the country. So, most people have not ever heard of that. But there's essentially three age-based medical specialties. And so, we have neonatology for babies and we have gerontology for older adults. And then we have adolescent medicine for teens. And so, that is my specialty. I'm also a mom of two.
Marijo: Oh. Did you say there's only a thousand of you that focus on adolescence?
Dr. Hartman: Yeah, I think less than a thousand.
Marijo: Oh my goodness. Okay. I wonder why that is. I is there a reason?
Dr. Hartman: Well, I will tell you when I was a pediatric resident and doing my training and we would see teens come in, I would often hear from the other doctors like, uhoh, you know, like, oh, we have a teenage girl coming in. This is going to be a long, lengthy visit. And I felt like ah [sighs] yes, you know, so I think they are a group that falls through the cracks and gets overlooked and takes a lot of time which in a traditional health care system doesn't actually allow for that. And so it's a pretty unique group of us who really see the you know a I will tell you I believe it's the best kept secret in medicine.
It's, you know, these it's a group that is organically so healthy and yet has a lot of morbidity and we have such an opportunity in terms of prevention if you care and if you have that connection with them.
Marijo: Wow, that's great. Thank you for explaining that. So, I know you and I were chatting before we started recording that a lot of the folks listening to the show have smaller kids. So tell us a little bit about your area of focus with eating disorders and what moms of young kids might need to know.
Dr. Hartman: Yes. So my probably 90% of my clinical work is in is taking care of people with eating disorders. And a couple of things that we know about eating disorders. One, I just need to say straight out of the gate, it is not a mother's fault why a child gets an eating disorder. And that is something that I hear all the time and it is inaccurate. It is false. It is a harmful narrative. The other thing is that early intervention and prevention are kind of key. So you know if we can set some some preventative strategies in place like kids are just so much better off.
And you know the third thing I would just say to your listeners is while it is absolutely not a family's fault in terms of why eating disorders happen throughout my career I have seen ways in which we can really shift things for kids and that's not just in the homes but in the schools and in the doctor's offices. And so I think parents just have an incredible opportunity to help rewrite the legacy that they want to pass on to their kids in terms of thoughts about their body and food and the way in which we even talk about it
Marijo: And let's explore that a little bit. So what you just mentioned about body image. So I is there well let's talk about body image but then also maybe the tie of body image to eating disorders.
Dr. Hartman: Yeah. Yeah. So you know what we know about eating disorders is you know there's not one cause. There's not one thing that causes it. It tends to be multifactorial. It also tends to be a bit of a perfect storm where all these kind of overlapping pieces kind of get into play can be in place. Eating disorders are also not don't look one way, right? So, they look many different ways. But in terms of the body image, what I will say is that dieting and restricting intake is a really common instigator of eating disorders. So once that weight loss sets into place and so I think the more we can helps to support parents and young people to feel more positive about their body.
Those are the ways in which that we can prevent it.
Marijo: So what are some of those things? And I know that things like social media and all of that do not help. So what what are some of those tips that you would have?
Dr. Hartman: Yeah. So well the first I will say is for parents. I mean I think we have to have compassion for ourselves in terms of the fact that we ourselves are also swimming in diet culture and diet culture has gotten a bit sneakier over the last 10 to 15 years. You know, I would say like 20 years ago, it was really out in the open like low-fat diet and fat-free this and it was very clear and now it is a bit rebranded and masqueraded in terms of wellness and health. And so I think we just have to be a little more critical as parents when we're kind of absorbing that message.
But also I again like just feeling a lot of compassion to the fact that like we have inherited a lot of these stories from our parents and their parents. And so you know I do think it really has to start with ourselves in terms of how we are thinking and talking about our own bodies because our kids are really listening. And so I would say you know just to start with start with that like you know the way in it doesn't mean we have to love our body like I don't think we have like it's not always realistic to say we have to love our body but we can be kind to it and we can be respectful to it and we can speak kindly to it.
So instead of like ugh look at myself in that picture I hate how I look in that picture you know like noticing the other qualities about ourselves and not the appearance like oh my gosh look how strong I was look I did this podcast this morning even though I was nervous about it you know the way in which we're talking about our own characteristics I think in terms of food one thing that we see a lot today and you know I practice and live in northern in California. So, it is pretty pervasive. Here is just like a bit of morality that has been added to food.
Where there's you know good food and bad food and it just brings this stress and this tension and you know so I think in terms of talking to our kids about food as nourishment and pleasure and joy and not make it feel like such a stressful thing in terms of food. And lastly and we can go into media but you know the last thing I just want to make sure I get out is movement. Because you know I do think that piece too as parents and again as modeling it for our younger kids is thinking about movement. I would say in not so transactional in relation to food like I need to do this run because I ate this cake but rather oh my gosh it feels so strong.
I feel so strong when I can move my body. And h what a stress relief to just get out there and feel some joy in the movement of my body. And you know, those are the kind of things our kids absorb and can really feel into themselves.
Marijo: And it is like exactly what you said, like the marketing to them, right? The nourishment. It's not healthy eating. It's it's we're nourishing our body. We're making ourselves stronger. I like how you sort of like we're sort of rebranding things a little bit. Yeah. And that exercise is not work. It's it's a privilege especially if we are able to do that. If our bodies are able to do that, right?
Dr. Hartman: Yes. Yes. Yes. And you know there is a study I don't know if if you've already covered this on previous podcasts, the rabbit effect, but it is such a powerful study. This was done in the 1970s and I imagine diet culture doesn't really love this study because it is not exactly supportive of that but they was done and I think it was Ohio State where they were trying to look at whether a [clears throat] high cholesterol high-fat diet causes heart disease and they were studying these essentially genetically identical rabbits to kind of look at this heart you know heart disease effect and what they found was there There was one group of rabbits that had significantly reduced heart disease and reduced atherosclerosis and reduced cholesterol and like 60% reduced, not subtle but like significant.
And when they were trying to figure it out cuz they were like they were fed the exact same high-fat diet. Like what was the what was the thing that made the difference? And what they realized was the group of rabbits with the lower heart disease had a lab technician that was an animal lover. And while she was feeding the animals, she was talking to them and she was holding them and she wasn't treating them like typical lab animals. And so it was like, wow, the kindness effect and the decreased stress effect and how supportive that is. So I think about that when I'm trying to help parents have some ease in their home around food and around movement.
You know, I think it's gotten so stressful where we feel like we are going to do the wrong thing if we feed our kid the wrong thing and like, wow. But just to have the joy there at meal time and to have the celebration and to have the kindness is incredibly healthy.
Marijo: Oh my gosh, that I've never heard of that and I love that. I mean, I'm I'm really intrigued by the whole idea of like energy and putting energy into things and as we're talking and you know, having that sort of energy around us and even I you know, depending on whatever you believe, but like prayer before you eat that that sends different energy than you know like like you said like eating on the run or whatever. I mean that that that kind of goes along with it that that she he or she was so nice to the animal that they reacted. I just love that.
That's so such a cool study.
Dr. Hartman: Yeah. No, I completely agree. And it's those the elements that, you know, I think are going to be less talked about because you can't necessarily sell that. And yet I think for parents it comes down to the basics. It comes down to the things that we really do know. And you know, I think to try to kind of cut through the noise and like, okay, I know that if I'm kind to myself and kind to my body, like that is an incredible incredible message to pass on to my kids.
Marijo: That's amazing. So, I know you have a book coming out. Tell me how what we've just talked about, how how is that pulled through in your book?
Dr. Hartman: So, quite a bit. I'll tell you a little bit of the origin story of this book because, you know, as I said, I was seeing patient after or I think I mentioned or I can't remember if it was before we started recording, but you know, a large part of my work is taking care of young people with eating disorders. And I was seeing patient after patient who would say to me, well, I developed my eating disorder after this person told me this, this doctor told me to lose weight or I heard this in my health class at school or, you know, I saw, you know, this thing on social media.
And so I really appreciated, gosh, I do think we have an opportunity for prevention and an opportunity to kind of free kids from this all the shame and all the stigma. And so my book is it's a long title, but it's called Freeing Children and Young Adults from Shame, Scales, and Stigma. And it's a practical guide. So it's for parents and it's for teachers and it's for clinicians. And I am a practical mom. I am a busy working mom. And so I like scripts. I like tips. I like what do I do when this happens? And so it's really supposed to be practical.
One of and you know very much from my work because you know sometimes I will talk with parents and they have really you know worked so hard to set the ground rules that they want in their home where like [clears throat] we don't talk about calories, we don't talk about bodies, you know they'll get things all situated the way that they feel like it's going to be really supportive to their kids and then grandparent comes over or the neighbor comes over and they are talking in this way. And so I even included like what's an email you could send ahead of time to the relative just to help set those boundaries for your home that like to keep the kindness and to keep the compassion and to keep the values for your kids around that.
Marijo: That's amazing. That's that's awesome. I know that you mentioned we sort of tal talked about this in the beginning, but like how much is social media affecting things for any of your patients?
Dr. Hartman: You know, I will say, you know, before I and I'm not trying to villainize it, it's not going away, right? So, I think we have to instead figure out how to help our kids be a bit more critical of the social media that they're consuming so that they are not a victim to it, but rather they have some power in it. And I think that really does have to start with parents and teachers and clinicians in terms of like helping kids ask those critical questions, you know, like, hm, what are they trying to sell me here? Or, you know, huh, okay, is that image filtered?
And, you know, who is this audience intended for? You know, one of the things I see a lot for young people, especially young people who are on social media at younger ages, is they are consuming media that is really not intended for an vulnerable child. It's not intended for someone whose body is still growing and developing, whose identity is still forming. You know, these are messages that, you know, perhaps an adult with a fully formed frontal cortex can critically think about, but for a young person, that can be really tricky. And so, I think for parents just to help their kids be more critical and look at this like, hm, okay, this is a sponsored ad.
This isn't for me. This isn't someone talking to a child. They don't realize who they're talking to. So that they can start to see some of the ways that they are, you know, somewhat being manipulated. I use the analogy of vaping because I was having a really hard time a couple of years ago talking to young people about vaping because it auto like it felt like overnight exploded and I suddenly I was seeing like all these kids vape and I was telling them about the health of you know the concerns and I'd see their eyes kind of glaze over like okay boring boring and then when I talk to them about did you know that they're actually marketing to you?
You know, they are talk they are trying to sell make these flavors that will appeal to teens because they want lifelong vapors. You know, it was suddenly like ooh really I don't want to be a pawn in this whole scheme, you know. So, I think if we can help our kids be a little more critical about, huh, what is this that I'm being fed and you know, get a little more empowered there.
Marijo: Wow, that is really interesting that once you put that angle on it that then they were like, wait a second, I don't want to I don't want to be manipulated that versus even the message itself. That's crazy. U, but what a good example because I mean, yeah, my kids kind of got old around that same time. Not go got old but sort of were in that sweet spot of the age groups where it was like oh everybody's doing it and they're they've got all these great flavors and it's like but it's making Swiss cheese of your you know lungs please don't do that right
Dr. Hartman: Yeah yeah
Marijo: Tell me a little bit more about so I if we do because I mean of course babies are chubby and oftentimes your little one stays that way for a little bit but you know I mean I have one of my kids who was chubby as a adolescent But then now he's like he's ripped, right? So what do we what do we need to do to know about that kind of thing? Like it's just going to happen. There's baby fat, right? What happens?
Dr. Hartman: Yep. So a couple of things there. One I would say is that you know there are so many misconceptions in terms of a growth chart. So, [clears throat] you know, I think as parents, and I remember this when I my kid was a baby and I was already a pediatrician and I was in the doctor's office and they're pulling up the growth chart and almost felt like they were showing me the report card like I was almost bracing myself like have I done well or have I not as a parent and you know there is so much of the growth trajectory that is completely out of our hands.
It is who they are genetically. It is based on our ancestors. It is based on their body composition. And so somewhat it is like what we look for as pediatricians is that a kid is growing along on their healthy curve. So that does not mean everyone should be at the 50th percentile, right? Everyone needs to grow on the curve that they were supposed to be at. And you know that is the a really important time time for them to just continue to grow and rather to drop percentiles. What we worry about is when people are crossing percentiles either up or down but when people are you know a bigger baby and they've always grown big like that's fine for them.
That's who they are and that's actually healthy for them. And when we try to manipulate it is when we can run into some health problems.
But the other thing I would say just for parents listening especially if as their kids are getting older is that they need significant nutrition. You know young people when we start to skip meals and we start start to space out meals is when we can run into trouble. And so you know especially adolescence is like the most metabolically demanding time in young people's lives. And so, you know, just making sure that they're eating really regularly. You know, I usually say every three hours for young people just to be nourishing that brain. And, you know, I know we say breakfast is the most important meal, but it sure is.
You know, it's like after they've gone a whole night of fasting and then to run out the door and not eat, like to really try to encourage the breakfast. And as a parent, I think if we can model sitting down and eating breakfast ourselves, even when we're busy, that can be really helpful.
Marijo: Mhm. Yeah, that actually was just a recent thing for me where I did sort of realize, oh my gosh, I really have been fasting since, you know, 6:00 p.m. The prior day. I do need to eat something in the morning. And it made it made me feel so much better personally. So, I love that you brought that up about we really are in a fasting state when we wake up, even though it's not necessarily we're trying to fast, right? That's that's awesome. You is there anything like supplement-wise if we just can't get that those nutritional foods that we need? Is there anything you would recommend for that?
Like, do they need a multivitamin or something?
Dr. Hartman: There's no harm in a multivitamin. You know, I think it's often not necessary if they're eating a relatively balanced diet. You know, we used to say it's just like often expensive pee that we're creating from having these expensive supplements. But, you know, I think for some kids, especially during the winter, if they're not getting much sunlight, you know, vitamin D can be really helpful. You know, a multivitamin that they will take. You know, it's not worth a battle against getting back to the rabbit effect. Like having some peas is really important for their health. But if there's a, you know, a gummy vi multivitamin, I usually say it doesn't hurt and, you know, certainly can add that in.
Marijo: Okay. Yeah. My daughter hated hers so much and I never knew. She would hide them in her bookcase and I didn't know. I was I was like, I wish she would have just told me. I could have found something better. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Hartman: Sorry about that.
Marijo: I know she's fine now. [clears throat] before I let you go, are there any early signs that that a parent would need to know that there's maybe an an eating disorder developing that we would need to I know we talked a lot about prevention, but is there anything that if it is sort of developing? What do what do parents need to know about that?
Dr. Hartman: So, the first thing I would say to all parents is to trust your gut. One thing I hear all the time from parents is, "I had this feeling. I had a little bit of a spidey sense, but I just kind of brushed it aside. And so I think if they are having any concern, early intervention is incredibly helpful and life-saving and has a much better prognosis in terms of just setting things back on track. You don't have to wait for things to be a full-fledged eating disorder to get support and to make some shifts. So, you know, I think for parents to note as well that, you know, behavior changes are going to happen before physical changes.
And so, you know, you don't need to see weight loss yet, but rather, you know, if they are skipping meals, if they, you know, used to eat three pieces of pizza and now say, "I don't want I don't want pizza anymore," or, you know, if their lunch is coming home. You know, those sorts of things. Or they're saying, "I don't eat this food category anymore. You know, we'll see sometimes with like cutting out the meat or cutting out the dairy or cutting out the carbs. You know, kids need a tremendous amount of carbs. We all do, but certainly adolescence, like half their plate. And so, you know, if they're noticing them cutting out food groups, I would say those are things that that would make me concerned.
Marijo: And that's one, you know, they vilified carbs so much with so much in media and things like that that that's that's a great one. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for those those signs. I think that yeah, parents would like like you said, I mean, a lot of it is just your gut. You know, what what's going on here? What's different? So, thank you for those those tips. Well, is there anything that I forgot to ask you about that you think that the listeners need to need to hear before I let you go?
Dr. Hartman: I think I would just say to parents, if anyone is listening and thinking, uhoh, I have done this. I have spoken about this way around my body and I wish I hadn't. It's not too late. It's not too late to make these shifts. It's not too late to say to our kids, I'm sorry I mentioned that to you about your body or I spoke about that way about around my body. I'm still learning to be kind and you know, let me know if I do that again. You know, I think our kids love to see us to see the humanness in us and I think for us to admit that we're wrong and to apologize is also an incredible model.
Marijo: That's amazing. Thank you so much. Tell us Dr. Hartman how to find you so that the listeners can can know more.
Dr. Hartman: So my practice my medical practice is Aspen Grove Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine. So my website is AspenGroveAYAM.com and then I'm on Instagram at laurenhartmanmd and I have this book coming out Freeing Children and Young Adults from Shame, Scales, and Stigma and that is going to be published March 11th
Marijo: And will they be able to find that on any platform that's published?
Dr. Hartman: They will. Yeah.
Marijo: Excellent. Great. Well, we will make sure that all those links are in the show notes so people can find you and we again so appreciate you coming on the show today. Thanks so much.
Dr. Hartman: Thank you so much. I really enjoyed this conversation.
Outro (recorded)
This has been the Teaching Your Toddler Show with Marijo Tinlin. Thank you so much for joining us today. If you enjoyed today's show, please leave a five-star review or a thumbs up so we can reach more parents like you. To be notified when new shows post, please subscribe by sending an email to subscribe@teachingyourtoddler.com. For more expert interviews, fun activities, and storytime podcasts, please visit our website at teachingyourtoddler.com. All of our shows are also posted as videos as well on our YouTube channel at Marijo Tinlin. Find us on Facebook at Teaching Your Toddler, X at Teaching Toddler, Instagram at Teaching Your Toddler, and make sure you check out our past shows.
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