How to Talk to Your Kids About P*rn and the Much Better Alternative with Author Greta Eskridge
This episode is tough but essential listening for parents of kids of all ages. Author, speaker, podcaster and mom Greta Eskridge, whose book It's Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn was released by Nelson Books in March 2025, wants parents to be prepared before it happens. She shares how her own family's experience led her to this work, how she suggests talking with young kids before they see anything, how to respond calmly if they do, and why real connection is the better alternative.
What you'll learn in this episode
Talk before they see anything. Greta says the ideal is to talk with kids before exposure, even at ages five, six or seven. She suggests keeping it quick: there is a thing called pornography, it is bad for you, and it is my job to protect you. She says to give the least detail possible and tell them to close the screen, walk away and come tell you.
Expect that exposure may happen. Greta says experts say it is not a matter of if but when, so she encourages parents to prepare their own response ahead of time.
Your first response matters most. Greta suggests being calm, compassionate and full of grace, telling your child you are on their team, holding their hand or giving a hug, and letting them know you are not angry and do not blame them. She then suggests finding out what they were exposed to.
Bring in help if needed, and talk about safety later. Greta says a one-time exposure may be something you can handle yourself, while something ongoing might call for a counselor experienced in this area. She says setting up online safety measures and consequences comes later, once safety and trust are established.
Pornography trains people to see others as objects. Greta says it trains the brain to see people as objects to use, which can affect marriages, parent-child relationships, friendships and how a person sees themselves.
Comparison and shame affect boys and girls. Greta says comparing yourself to unrealistic images, and the shame that comes with pornography, can harm self-image for both boys and girls. She adds that regular use can lead to self-hatred because it is addictive and hard to stop without additional help.
Cartoon and anime content counts too. Greta says some anime is very sexualized and pornographic, and that a child who sees it may still absorb it as some sort of reality even though they know it is a cartoon.
Real connection is the antidote. Greta says time outdoors and real relationships with God, family and friends teach children what real intimacy looks like, in contrast to the false intimacy of pornography. She also suggests prayer and memorizing a verse such as Psalm 139 together as a family.
Use the book as a script. Greta says her book has scripts for different ages, including how to talk about sextortion, sending nudes and objectification, plus an index of terms and definitions so parents do not have to Google it.
Parent out of hope, not fear. Greta reminds parents that they love their kids more than anyone else outside of God, and encourages them to step into the conversation with courage and trust.
About the guest: Greta Eskridge
Greta Eskridge is a second-generation homeschooling mom to four and wife of twenty-six years to Aaron. She is passionate about creating connection, preserving childhood and chasing adventure. Along with loving nature, books and coffee, Greta is the host of the popular Greta Eskridge Podcast, the author of Adventuring Together and 100 Days of Adventure, and she travels the country as a speaker, encouraging families to create connection in a disconnected world. Eskridge lives in sunny southern California with her artist husband, Aaron, and their four kids, one young adult and three teens.
Her newest book is It's Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children and Teens Develop Sexual Integrity, published by Nelson Books, HarperCollins Christian Publishing, on March 4, 2025. It is designed to equip parents to have age-appropriate, honest and hope-filled conversations about pornography with kids of any age so they can help their children develop lifelong sexual integrity.
Website: gretaeskridge.com
Book: It's Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn (Nelson Books)
Facebook: facebook.com/maandpamodern
Instagram: @maandpamodern
This episode discusses pornography and how to talk with children about it, and is intended for parents and other adults. The guest shares her perspective as a Christian, including faith-based suggestions. It is for general information only and is not medical or counseling advice; if a child has been exposed and is struggling, consider talking with a qualified counselor or your child's doctor.
Disclosure: Marijo was provided a copy of the book for review.
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Full episode transcript
Read the full transcript
Intro (recorded)
Okay everyone, put in your earphones, head to your bedroom. You're going to want some privacy to listen to today's show. I'm Marijo Tinlin. Welcome to the Teaching Your Toddler Show. Author, speaker, podcaster, and mama, Greta Eskridge, has released her new book, It's Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn: A Parents Guide to Helping Children and Teens Develop Sexual Integrity. This must-have book equips parents to have age-appropriate, honest, and hope-filled conversations about pornography with kids of any age so that they can help their child develop lifelong sexual integrity. In this book, Eskridge helps parents navigate through tough conversations and connect with their children to create a safe space for conversation while tackling the toughest topics with confidence.
Greta is a second-generation homeschooling mom of four kids and wife of 26 years to Aaron. Greta is the host of the popular Greta Eskridge Podcast, the author of Adventuring Together and 100 Days of Adventure, and she travels the country as a speaker encouraging families to create connection in a disconnected world. Eskridge lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Aaron and their kids. Welcome to the Teaching Your Toddler Show.
Marijo: Hello, this is Marijo Tinlin from the Teaching Your Toddler podcast. Today we have a hard topic, but one that I'm sure that you need to know about. Our guest today is Greta Eskridge. She's written a book that is coming out as we as we're recording this. It's coming out soon. I'm sure by the time you hear this, you'll it will probably be out, and it's a topic that we all need to know more about as parents. Greta, welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit a bit about yourself, and then we'll start talking about your book.
Greta: Okay, well, thanks for having me first of all. And I am a mom of four. My kids, three sons, one daughter, they range in age from 13 to 20, and I was a homeschool mom before that. I was a high school teacher. Well, I still am a homeschool mom, but half of them are graduated, two to go. Before that I was a high school teacher, and so I love kids, I love teaching, and I love reading, and I love writing. So in the midst of raising kids, homeschooling, I also have written. This will be my third book that's coming out, and I also write, you know, for lots of other, in lots of other places, and I'm a speaker and a podcaster.
There's just a lot going on. My husband and I have been married for 27 years, and together we have a passion to help families and people who are struggling with the impact of pornography in their life, and to equip parents to be able to protect their kids and give them tools to protect them from pornography. So we work in two different spheres. He works more one-on-one with men who are struggling with the impact of pornography use in their life, and I'm more the, so he's more behind the scenes, I'm more out in front. I'm speaking about this, helping families, and now writing a book. So there you go.
Marijo: Thank you. Wow, yeah. I, you know, it's always hard. We've we've handled a few tough topics on the show. We've talked about talking to your child about death and talking about serious illness, but pornography, this is the first time we're talking about this. But of course it is something that's affecting everyone, right? Clearly men, women, couples, families, and children, right? Tell us a little bit, is there a specific thread or reason that this sort of became a topic for you to understand more about?
Greta: Yeah, I mean, it started by being personally impacted by pornography in my marriage. My husband confessed to having a pornography addiction. I don't know, maybe 12, 13 years into marriage, and it came as a complete shock. He did not fit what I thought of as a person who would use pornography, certainly not one who was addicted to pornography. He was a good dad, a wonderful husband, provider, you know, all the things that you think of as a person who doesn't have any problems, but he did have this secret, and it was torturing him. And thank God it came out, because then he was able to pursue healing and restoration.
And so that was the start of me really learning about pornography, because I, you know, I really had no context for pornography, other than I remember one time maybe like as a teenager my parents kind of briefly touching on the topic and saying, you know, stay away from it, but that was it. And so, you know, it was a time for me to learn about the impact of pornography, what it did to people, how it was addictive, and then for us as a couple to really think, like, well, how can we protect our kids? How can we give them better tools than we were given?
And so it started from a real personal place. But what I found was, as I began to educate myself, as we began to educate our kids, I found other moms did not know how to talk about it either. They also did not have tools. They didn't know how to help their about it. I wasn't great at it, but I was like, well, I'm gonna just plow ahead. And so I just began to share, first with friends, so much so that they'd be like, oh my gosh, Greta, please stop talking about porn. Do we always have to talk about this? And I'm like, yes, we do.
It matters so much to protect our kids, to give them protection now, but also the impact of those conversations will be felt into their adult years and even generationally. And so it's just grown from there, until now I'm jokingly referred to as the porn lady by friends and strangers, because this is a topic I'm passionate about. I want to help families, I want to help parents, I want to help kids, and I want to see generational change.
Marijo: Wow, that is incredibly brave and amazing that you and your husband were able to come together like that and help each other and, you know, shine light on it, like you said, and just to be so open about it. That is so amazing, and just such a trailblazer. Unfortunately, like, because this is something, you know, like you said, when you know years ago, 20, 30 years ago, it was like magazines or whatever, but now I mean you literally have it in your pocket if you want to, right? And so it's just so available. Tell us a little bit about some of the things that you learned when writing your book, or tell us about the book and how it's structured and what people can can learn from that.
Greta: Okay, well, the book's called It's Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn: A Parents Guide to Helping Kids and Teens Develop Sexual Integrity. And I think that it's important for us to know that, yes, the book is full of helpful, really practical tips for a parent to be able to talk to their kids about pornography, to put things in place to help keep them safe online, but it's also a book that's filled with hope, because we always want to remember that we're not just talking about the bad parts of sex, but which pornography is and how it twists and warps this beautiful thing that is a gift.
And we want to share with our kids the actual truth about pornography, because pornography is a lie, but sex is as it's designed is so good, and it's a wonderful opportunity to express love and intimacy in an incredible way. And so we want our kids to grow up with sexual integrity, understanding that every human is worthy of respect and honor, not to be objectified, not to be used for our own selfish desires and then cast away when they're not serving us anymore, which is what pornography does, right? And so I tried very hard in the book to be able to balance those two ideas, give our kids the truth about pornography, give them the tools to reject it, but also give them the truth about what healthy sexuality looks like so they can pursue that.
And again, I tried to make the book as practical as possible. There are scripts in there for you to be able to talk to your kids, because I hear from parents all the time, they're like, could you just tell me what to say? I don't know, how do I start a conversation with my 5-year-old about pornography? How do I start a conversation with my 17-year-old about pornography? And so I have actual scripts for different ages, not just how to talk about porn, but how to talk about other things, like as your kids get older, how do you talk about things like sextortion or sending nudes?
Like, how do you talk about, you know, this idea of objectification? What is it? How do we identify it, call it out as as wrong, and pursue something else? So lots of talking points, lots of helpful information. If you're like, oh my gosh, my kid needs to know about my kid has asked me about this topic, I don't know, I don't want to Google it, you could open up the index in my book, and I have all these terms, definitions, lots of things to be helpful. Because that's the thing we need, like in a moment of crisis, or in a moment of just preparing ahead of time to avoid a crisis, maybe we need to have a place to go, and I wanted my book to be that.
I wanted it to be all the things that I needed and wasn't there for me when I needed it.
Marijo: As parents, you know, we always have to have that in the back of our minds. We always know we're going to have to have that conversation, right? They used to call it the birds and the bees or whatever, right? You're going to have to have that conversation, and this is really an extension of that, right? It's it's the way that it can go bad or good, like you were saying, and I love that you have the difference between the two, that it's, you know, not all sex is bad, but there is some bad things that they need to know about.
I love that you also have scripts at different ages, because I'm sure, I know our listeners have children of all ages, and so it's great to know that not just, you know, not just the teen years is what we think about. I think that even it goes all the way upstream. And I remember our our son, our youngest, we had a situation where we found out aor was showing him his phone and showing him things on his phone that were not appropriate, and I had to go talk to her, his mom, about it, and it was so awkward. I love it when you said, I don't I don't want to Google it, because that's exactly right.
Like, we don't want to type that in. And so it's wonderful to have this this resource that you that you're providing through your book. Can you talk a little bit more about when you, I mean, I think as a as a we as an audience we probably understand about porn, and I and I thought that was a really good point about extortion and the nudes and all the things that's kind of secondary things that we don't really think about that that's part of social media now, right? That a lot of kids.
Greta: Yeah, exactly.
Marijo: But I'm really intrigued about this idea of sexual sexual integrity, because I did read, I read your blog, I think it was from 2021, on your website about objectification, and as a society we objectify so many things. We have this throwaway culture for many, many things. And so tell us a little bit more about that.
Greta: Well, I think that one of the key elements of pornography is that the person on that screen doesn't necessarily feel real. And so it gives you, when you're consuming pornography, the power in a sense to, like I said, use them for your, you know, free your own gain and then toss them aside when they are gone. And you think, well, it's not real, so how could that impact you? But it does, because what it does is it trains the brain to see people as objects. And that begins to translate not just to what we're doing when we're consuming pornography, but to translate into other relationships in our life.
And so you begin to view all people as commodities, as people you can use for your own benefit, and when they're not serving you, you're out of here. And that can impact, of course, a marriage. It can impact relationship between children and parents, and it can impact relationship between friendships and even strangers. Like, how do you treat other people? If you view them as objects that are there to serve you, then you're not going to treat them with kindness, with respect, with honor. And you see humans just as their sexual body parts, not like a human being.
Like, for example, looking at a woman not just for sexual body parts, but her brain, her creativity, her sense of humor, all the things that she offers that have nothing to do with her sexuality, but who she is as a whole person. And so when pornography is con consumed, especially if it's consumed more, like, regularly, that does have an impact on the way we view other people and the way we treat them. And so it is hugely impactful to relationships, and even the way a person sees themselves. They begin to have a negative view of their of their selves as they're consuming pornography. So it's it's so much, pornography impacts so many parts of the whole person.
It impacts the whole person, not so many parts, it impacts every part. And I want parents to know that so that they can know it's not just going to impact a person like their child in a sexual way. It's going to impact their heart, their soul, their brain. Every part of them is going to be impacted by consuming pornography. And we want to we want to choose something different. We want to choose something better.
Marijo: When you said what's happening when they when they have a negative view of themselves, what what are they comparing, or something? Is that what, what's the root of that?
Greta: Yeah, I mean, well, there's a lot. Comparison is huge. That's especially problematic for girls, but it's not just girls who are experiencing that. Boys too. You know, we talk so much about negative body image and how that impacts girls and women, but men experience it, boys experience it too. So if they're looking at, you know, pornography is fake. Every bit of it is fake. So the people who are the actors in pornography, they're not a realistic image of a of a regular person. And so for a woman or a man, a boy or a girl who is watching pornography, they will compare themselves to what they see on the screen, and they will feel less than.
But also there is so much shame associated with pornography, so that impacts the self-image, that impacts your self-esteem. And and with regular use of pornography, things like self-hatred can grow, because the person wants to stop watching, but it's so addictive, and they're fighting, like, an actual chemical reaction in their brain, that it is hard to stop without additional help. And so there's this war that's going on inside of them as they're trying to stop. They don't want to watch, and yet they're pulled back into it over and over again. And so that impacts them on an emotional and psychological level.
Marijo: Yeah, it's a it is a it is a beast. That's just all there is to it. Wow. As you were describing, you know, the way that it kind of affects our brain, it feels a little bit like when when people play a lot of video games, right?
Greta: Right.
Marijo: Because it's not real. They're shooting people, they're crashing their car, and they walk away, and in real life that would never happen. You would die. And so that's it's an interesting thing again where people are living in these kind of like this, not, it's not real bubble, right? I was just thinking about too, like AI now, right? Like that's probably going to be a whole new different thing.
Greta: Oh, go, I'm sorry, you go ahead.
Marijo: Nope, don't, go ahead, please.
Greta: Okay, just wanted to say, there's that is a whole another element of pornography. There is, like, animated pornography, cartoon. And for that, I feel like a lot of parents, we're not going to make that jump. We're not going to think, like, for example, anime, which is a Japanese style of animation, and it is not all bad, you know. My kids all loved Pokemon. That was harmless, that was innocent, that was fun. But there's a whole darker side of animation, Japanese animation, anime, that is very sexualized, and a lot of it is pornographic. And the problem with that is, because it is a cartoon, any of the most evil and awful fantasies can be created and acted out, because it's cartoon characters.
And you think, well, it's fake, like the person who's consuming it is fake. Well, yes, but also think about, what if it's a 12-year-old who's watching that? What about them? Their prefrontal cortex is not developed. They don't have information about the truth about sex and what it should be and what it shouldn't be, and instead they're just absorbing these images that they see on the screen, these actions that they're seeing on the screen. And while they know it's a cartoon, they still are absorbing that as some sort of reality. And that's what we have to be aware of as parents, is if you imagine the worst, there's worst out there.
And and we have got to take a stand as parents and say, I don't want that for my kid. I don't want them to learn from that. Let's let's talk about it, right?
Marijo: So I mean, I definitely want people to buy the book and read the book, but can you give us one or two things? Like, what if your kid comes to you with a question, or what if they say, hey, I saw this, you know, at different ages, but maybe on the younger side, I guess, for the for this listenership? What what do you do?
Greta: Well, I'm going to answer that in two two parts. My best advice is to talk to your kids before they see anything, so that's the ideal, right? And that means that you're going to have a conversation with your five, six, seven-year-old about what to do if they see inappropriate images. And because ideally you want to talk to them before exposure, so that they have the tools to know what they've seen, to be able to come talk to you about it, and to and to walk away, literally walk away, from what they've seen. And that conversation, especially when they're real young, it's so quick. It's just a quick, this is, there's this thing called pornography.
It's bad for you. It's my job to protect you. Let me tell you what it is. You give them the least amount of details possible to keep them the most safe. You don't go into detail, and then you tell them what to do if they see it. You know, if you see it on a screen, if you see it, someone shows it to you, if you see it while you're playing a video game, just close the computer, walk away from that game, walk away from that person, come tell me. So that's the ideal, right?
But if something has happened, and you know, you've e either talked to your kid already and they still have been exposed, because it's very possible, experts say it's not if but when, or you haven't had that conversation yet, I think the most critical thing is your initial response. And and I always tell parents, be preparing in advance for your response, that you will be calm, that you will be compassionate, and that you will be filled with grace. Because the chances are our response is going to be filtered by our own pain with this subject, whether it's just fear because we've never talked about it before, or we've had some sort of personal impact from pornography.
And so if we can be calm in that moment and say something to them like, I'm so sorry for what you've seen, you must be hurting and confused, maybe even scared right now, I want to help, can you tell tell me a little bit about what you've seen? And if you can respond in that way, just calm, tell them that you're on their team, hold their hand, give them a hug, let them know you're not angry, you don't blame them. And you do have to find out what they've been exposed to if at all possible. Get as much information as you can so that you know what steps to take next.
If it's something that is a first time, one-time exposure, you're going to be able to deal with that yourself and help them. If this is something that's been going on for a while, you might need extra help from a counselor who's schooled in, you know, sexual and pornography addictions and crises. But but your initial response of just being calm and loving and gentle, accepting, not shaming, those are so critical. And then finding out what more help you need to bring into the situation. And then the last thing would be to talk about, okay, well, how can we protect you better? Especially if it's an older kid, you're going to have to set some things in place for safety online.
But that shouldn't be your initial response of, oh my gosh, we got to lock down, I'm taking everything away from you, you're in big trouble. That comes a little later, once you've established the foundation of safety and trust. Then you can talk about how can consequences.
Marijo: And I know you're a believer. Do you have some resources from, like, a Christian standpoint as well?
Greta: Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think our best and first defense is prayer. I pray in advance. I have a whole section in my book where I talk about prayer and suggest specific prayers that parents can pray for themselves, for their kids, for their kids in the future, their spouses. I mean, I think we need to have a really big vision of the negative ways pornography can impact our kids now and into the future, but also the ways that God can protect them now and into the future. So prayer, I think, you know, after exposure, of course, that you're bringing in prayer with your child, you're filling their minds with scripture, with, you know, worship music, hymns, just filling them with the goodness of God, spending a lot of time out in nature.
God, God's creation is so peaceful and so filled with his presence. So take your kids, be outside, and, you know, and I would say that's even a preventative thing as well. You know, the more time we can spend with our kids outside and engaged in real-life relationships, in real intimacy with God and with one another and with us, that is the antidote to porn, because pornography is a is a false intimacy. It's a false vision of connection, connection, and it and it's actually a destroyer of intimacy and connection.
So if we can fill our kids with connection to God, to their Creator, with connection to us, with connection to friends, teach them what real intimacy looks like, so that when they're confronted with the false intimacy that porn that porn is offering, they will be better equipped to identify that as as a lie and cling to the truth instead.
Marijo: Yeah, I was going to say, the devil lies, right, and tricks and steals, and those are the things that would be happening here. And thank you, thank you for those resources. I think that, yeah, especially if you as a listener, if you're a believer, there are absolutely ways to arm yourself, right, to armor yourself against this. So I appreciate those. I know you, you quote, I think somewhere I saw on your, your website, you quoted Psalm 139, which is one of my favorites, that are all fearfully wonderfully made, and that, you know, just got to remind your children that that that is that is them, right?
Greta: Yeah, and, well, and everybody else too. Like, I suggest, let's memorize that verse as a family so that that knowledge is in our heart. You know, I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you, God. And I think, sin against you and sin against others.
Like, if you have that knowledge poured into you from the time you're a small child, that every person is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, knit together in their mother's womb, like that is going to impact the way you look at others and hopefully remind you that the Holy Spirit would nudge you in a moment where, of weakness, where you might be tempted to look at a person in a way of objectification, to consume pornography, and then to remember, as the Holy Spirit is prompting you, are you treating this person as my image bearer? And, yeah, we want to fill our kids with biblical truth so they can hold on to those things and choose God's way and not the way that Satan is tempting them to go.
Marijo: I love, I that that sounds, it seems like a great way to let them understand the Holy Spirit, because they, you know, God and Jesus, that's that Jesus is easy, right, because he was a man, but the Holy Spirit is always one of those, like, what is it? What, I don't understand. But when you, when you say it like that, and you say it's in, he's the Holy Spirit is in you, and you'll know when, when it doesn't feel right, when you feel like that's not happening, and the Holy Spirit's telling you to go away, or that that's not from God. That's a great example to be able to, to show your child what what is the Holy Spirit.
That's, I love that. That's amazing. Well, before I let you go, what else, anything else that we need to know, would you like to tell us? And then I want, I would want to make sure that we tell the listeners how to find you.
Greta: I would just like to remind every mom and dad who's listening that it's so tempting for us to parent in this situation out of a place of fear. We're afraid, we don't want to have the conversations, we don't want to equip our kids, we think we think we can't do it. But I just want to remind you that you love your kids just more than anybody else outside of God, right? And so he has equipped you to care for them in every situation, and that includes in this conversation. And so he will give you the courage you need, and he will equip you, and sometimes that comes through things like my book, right?
He will equip you for this conversation. So don't parent out of fear, parent out of hope and trust in God's good plan for your kids, and be brave enough to step into the conversation with them. He will equip you, he really will. Pray and just enter in with the knowledge that you are loving your kids through having this conversation. It's a loving conversation.
Marijo: Yeah. Wow. Thank you. That's amazing. How do we find you? How do we find your book?
Greta: The book is everywhere books are sold. So you can find it on Amazon. Barnes & Noble should have it in store. They definitely have it online. I even looked, Walmart has it online.
Marijo: Congratulations.
Greta: It's anywhere you could request for it to be carried at your library so that more people have access and can find it. Request at your local bookstore. I love being in small, privately owned bookstores. I think that is such an incredible community to be a part of. So, yeah, look for it, and then request for it to be in places where you don't see it. And then if you want to follow me and more of my work, I have a website, gretaeskridge.com, and I'm most active on Instagram. I don't have time or desire to be on most social media, but I have to be on something, so I'm on Instagram.
You can find me Greta Eskridge, and I share a lot of information on this topic and lots of others, because I love books, I love parenting, I love being outside, and we talk about all those things.
Marijo: Oh, love it. Excellent. Well, we'll make sure we have that link, all the links, for people to find you. Greta, thank you so much for joining us today. It's been an amazing and an important conversation, and I'm just really glad we got to connect.
Greta: Thank you for having me. I'm so glad we get to talk.
Marijo: Thank you.
Outro (recorded)
This has been the Teaching Your Toddler Show with Marijo Tinlin. Thank you so much for joining us today. If you enjoyed today's show, please leave a five-star review or a thumbs up so we can reach more parents like you. To be notified when new shows post, please subscribe by sending an email to subscribe@teachingyourtoddler.com. For more expert interviews, fun activities, and storytime podcasts, please visit our website at teachingyourtoddler.com. All of our shows are also posted as videos as well on our YouTube channel at Marijo Tinlin. Find us on Facebook at TeachingYourToddler, X at TeachingToddler, Instagram at TeachingYourToddler, and make sure you check out our past shows.
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